I first experienced physical abuse at the age of 9 by my step-dad. He was a minister. It was only shortly after that it escalated to sexual abuse and then incest. To be honest, I didn't even know what sex was. No one had ever told me. I lived in a small town my whole life up to that point and was pretty sheltered. I hadn't even heard a curse word until then.
There really aren't words to describe my life the next several years, but suffice it to say it was difficult; physically, emotionally & spiritually. Once I was old enough to remove myself from the situation, I did. But I was left with a tremendous amount of anger, hatred, bitterness, resentment & depression. I even ended up homeless & living on the streets for awhile. I didn't know how to get myself out of this hole, I just knew I couldn't go on like this.
Over the next several years, I got help any way I could; reading books at the library, watching videos, seeing counselors & therapists, attending support groups & offender apologies; you name it, I tried it. There was nothing too far out there that I wasn't willing to give a try. Some things worked, some didn't. I just took the information that resonated with me and left the rest.
At some point I realized I was still allowing him to control who I was, how I acted and reacted to situations. I was tired of the same old cycle, spinning my wheels and going nowhere. That's when I decided to stop the cycle of disempowerment, get help, dig deep and transcend it all.
I hope some of what I share may help you. I know that some of my opinions are radical, brazen and hard to swallow at times. But that's who I am and that's what it took for me to transcend.