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Lost in the Shuffle

August 27, 2016

 Lately I have been feeling lost...trapped on a hamster wheel.  I realize I am just going through the motions without any real feeling.  I'm not depressed, or sad; just so very tired of this whole game.  In German we say, Ich hab kein bock mehr...as in I no longer have a lust for life, or I'm tired of this.  It's difficult to put into words, this feeling.  Almost as if in limbo, without a safety net, without a backup plan, but still with very real responsibilities to my family.  Perhaps this feeling of dark abyss is a good thing...dying to one part or chapter of my life.  These metaphorical deaths always feel so awkward and uncomfortable.  It's weird really...how little people in my life know or understand of what I'm feeling.  I'm usually the one people talk to and confide in.  So I reached out to a friend for some objective advice.  I always appreciate this person's candor and no BS approach.  I need that in my life.  The gift I received was to detach myself during this time; engage in activities that make me feel like myself, grounded and sure.  I have to admit, that simplistic tidbit has already made me feel much lighter this week.  Just breathing or immersing myself in the moment to re-engage or reconnect with my body and how I'm feeling in the moment has been tremendous.  Never be too proud to reach out to someone for support. 

 

 

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